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IN THIS ISSUE

• Verda Cook reaches the end of their long train journey
• Kate Brookfield encounters red tape in Taiwan
• Gerrit de Leeuw sends an interesting Canadian statistic
• Peter Rollo tells a mother-in-law story
• Jack Peaker forwards the tale of Leroy
• Kate suggests an interesting and moving video
• Marilyn Magid suggests an arty example of morphing

Verda Cook has just left Winnipeg on their trip

EXPLORING CANADA "THE CANADIAN" WAY

By 2 o´clock we were 87 km east of Winnipeg and entering the Canadian Shield, where we saw large out- croppings of rock. Half an hour later we crossed from Manitoba into Ontario, where there were lakes on both sides of the tracks with cottages dotting the shoreline. This was the beginning of the northern mountain ranges.

Many times our train of 28 cars wound around the perimeter of large lakes; we watched the engines disappear and the rest of the train formed a full arc. Occasionally we saw a lonely cottage converted to a permanent residence. These dwellers are entirely dependent on train or float plane for transportation. Once a week the train unloads mail and newspapers. Once a month the homeowners notify VIA rail 48 hours in advance of their intention to travel to Winnipeg, the nearest available place for supplies. The residents stand beside the tracks and the train stops to allow them on board. They will spend two nights in a hotel, then return by train with a month´s supply of food, fuel, etc. Most of these homes were built by men who worked on the railroad, initially as cottages, but subsequent family members have converted them to permanent retirement residences.

After dinner we arrived at Sioux Lookout, where passengers were encouraged to leave the train as there would be a half-hour stopover. It was a pleasure to walk in the warm evening air.

On the night before our last day on the train I slept very little. The engineer drove at maximum speed and our room was very noisy. In all our train travels, this was our first experience of a noisy car. Granted, it was one of the older models, and that may have played a large part in the noisy ride.

At breakfast our table companions were from Vancouver. They were very friendly and talkative.

We were still seeing lakes and wide rivers between long stretches of forests and rocks, which were covered with gray-green lichens. Wild blueberry plants growing among the rocks had red leaves, indicating that a hard frost had occurred.

After several stops to wait for freight trains to pass, we were told the train was now two hours behind schedule. As we approached Capreole, the landscape made another dramatic shift. Along the tracks we saw maple trees with brilliant scarlet leaves. At Capreole we were again allowed to leave the train. Here we stepped into brilliant sunshine and very warm temperatures with warm breezes. Toadflax, wild primrose, and goldenrod were blooming along the station platform. It was good to be able to fill our lungs with fresh air.

As we passed a large lake, a property on the opposite side attracted our attention. It appeared to be a very large estate with a mansion central on the property. The dwelling was white with a red tile roof. Two smaller houses (perhaps guest houses or servants´ quarters), stood on the side, each having a garage. The property was professionally landscaped. We spent some time wondering who the owner of this property might be - a sports celebrity? A movie star?

Further south at Sudbury Junction, we saw two tall chimneys, the remnants of the nickel mine which operated there for many years but was now abandoned. Huge mounds of slag littered the countryside, but on the plus side, there was evidence of rehabilitation. Young saplings dotted the landscape.

As we approached Parry Sound, we saw a fire in a field right beside the tracks, with grass and trees burning, and smoke drifting across the tracks. Passengers mentioned this to a crew member, who said that the engineer would already have reported the fire to the emergency services of the area. I recalled travelling to the west by train in the 1950s, when cell phone communication for engineers and passengers, as well as computerized switching equipment, and movies for entertainment on board were non-existent. Today´s travel is much speedier and more comfortable.

The scenery from the dining car was beautiful. When we passed Lake Simcoe, a crew member drew our attention to Strawberry Island, which is owned by the Catholic Church. The Pope takes up residence there when he visits Ontario.

The farther south we travelled, the more colourful the countryside became. There were a number of delays, waiting on spur lines for freight trains to pass, and the train was now four hours behind schedule. We gave up all hope of connecting with our train to Kitchener.

As the train approached Union Station in Toronto, our service assistant advised us to report directly to VIA customer services. The agent at the desk confirmed that we had paid passage to Kitchener but could not connect, and as a result, VIA transported us to Kitchener in a limousine. Our vacation had come to an end but we brought with us memories that will last the rest of our lives.

For those of you who are train buffs, here are some facts I gleaned about VIA´s "The Canadian":

The train from Toronto to Vancouver had a total of 25 cars, each 90 feet long, and carried 300 passengers. From Vancouver to Edmonton, where we departed, the length of the train was 19 cars with approximately 210 passengers. The train from Edmonton to Toronto had a total of 28 cars.

The maximum number of cars to a train is 33.

On each train there are two dining cars, two lounge cars, and one activity car. The average speed of the train is 95 mph (160 kph). There are three engines, two to pull the train and the third to produce electricity for the cars. Each sleeper car (called a manor) has a shower, and each room has its own toilette, vanity, closet, and a small storage cupboard.

The newer coaches have a limited number of computer outlets for business people travelling by train.

Kate Brookfield continues her description of their arrival in

TAIWAN

For our first night, Monday January 21st, we stayed in the same accommodation that we had last July, in the activities centre of the campus. The building serves as a kind of hotel and conference centre, with a choice of three restaurants on the main floor, a residential block seven storeys high, with rooms for visitors or temporary guests. Also on the main floor is a large auditorium, and on the floors above it, lecture rooms. The basement is a recreation area with table tennis tables and a laundry room. Vey cheap, the wash costs 2 NT and the dryer 1 NT. (30 NT to a Canadian dollar). On one side of this building is the athletic centre with swimming pool, and courts for tennis, badminton, squash, and fitness rooms. On the other side is a building of apartments for long-term visitors. We were lucky to be given an apartment in this building as there is a big demand for accommodation anywhere in Taipei.

On Tuesday morning, we were taken to the apartment to see what we would need to buy. The two-bedroom apartment has only the basic essentials and I had quite a shopping list: bedding, towels, cooking and eating utensils, plus something to cook on or in! A Japanese lady, wife of a professor in the department, was asked to accompany me to the store. Her Chinese was better than mine and her English was passable, but it was quite an experience trying to get her to understand my questions, so that she could try to communicate to the salespeople, who had no English. The store, called Carrefour, is a bit like Costco, selling everything from food to electronics. Just as we were leaving, Mahyoka noticed electric heaters on sale for 300 NT (NT is the Taiwan dollar and there are 30 to one Canadian dollar). At first, I thought I wouldn´t bother as this cold weather can´t last long, but then I added it to the pile of stuff in the two carts we had full to overflowing. We certainly needed it!

So on our second night, we were settling down into life in Taipei. But the next day, Wednesday, we discovered a big problem. Our visas were for tourists only and last 21 days. Michael would not be allowed to earn any money until he got a work permit and a resident´s visa, known as an ARC (alien resident´s card). It seems everybody who comes to work in Taiwan has the same problem. The only way to get an ARC is to leave the country and apply outside of Taiwan for this document.

A young post-doctorate from Canada, Greg, had the same problem when he arrived in November. He was called to the office and he gave us the run-down on the procedures. It turned out that this man is my friend in Guelph´s cousin. Small world!

On Friday, the whole department with their families went to a restaurant in downtown Taipei for the annual department New Year celebration. It was a buffet meal with hundreds of dishes. I think everything anything could possibly want to eat was available. Michael won 500 NT with a complicated lottery-type draw on tickets that were given to us. Nobody had to pay anything as it was the department´s treat. It was a good introduction to Chinese dishes.

On Sunday morning, less than a week after our arrival, we were on our way to Hong Kong. We stayed for five days, making it another holiday trip. The first day, however, was spent in a cramped office on the 45th floor of the Lippo building. This building is very grand, with two huge towers and a large shopping mall on the first five floors. Taiwan is not recognized as a separate country by the big Western powers; they do not want to get on the wrong side of China, which considers Taiwan part of China.

In Hong Kong, the Taiwan government operates its very busy visa department in a small room on a floor that is a travel agency. The room was packed with people and there were not enough seats for all in the room. We waited for three and a half hours before our turn to see an agent, but the process itself took about five minutes. Mike was granted the resident visa, but when they asked for a marriage certificate to prove I was his accompanying spouse, we were stumped; the said document is locked away in the safety deposit box in Guelph. I was refused the residency visa and given a temporary visitor´s visa for 60 days, with the option to extend if for another 60 days, if I report at least 15 days before the expiry date. If I fail to report, I will be deported. There is a limit of two extensions.

We left the Lippo building feeling very discouraged. In fact, I felt worthless, useless, and annoyed. I have never liked the title of "accompanying spouse", as if I have no proper identity as a person, and to be refused even that position was insulting, especially as we have been married 40 years in April. The same surname and address on our passports should be sufficient evidence, apart from our word, that we are married, but the Taiwanese authorities are rigid in following the letter of the law.

I was annoyed with the department´s director, who had assured us that he was seeing to all the necessary arrangements for Michael´s employment. This is why we came in July! I was annoyed with Michael for not checking these things properly ahead of time. And I was annoyed with the Taiwan government for not making this information available in English. Long before we left, I sent an e-mail about the proposed visit specifically asking about my position. My e-mail was answered, sending to me to a website for details for foreigners in Taiwan - and everything was in Chinese. Most of all, I was annoyed with myself for giving up at that point and leaving it to others to sort things out.

But I soon got over my mood and decided that if the worst came to the worst, I would return to Canada and see my grandkids in Calgary and Ottawa. There wasn´t anything I could do, so I relaxed and enjoyed seeing the sights of Hong Kong. It was cold and wet, but the hotel was comfortable and we covered quite a few of the sights. I was amused to read in the Lonely Planet Guide that one of the skyscrapers called the Jardine building has round windows like portholes, and the people of Hong Kong have named it "the building of a thousand arse holes"!

Friday, February 1st, we returned to Taipei, in time to see everybody preparing for the Chinese New Year.

P.S. I will be happy to answer any specific questions that readers might want to ask about life here.

To be continued.

Gerrit de Leeuw sends this interesting statistic:

CANADIAN, EH!

A recent study found the average Canadian walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found Canadians drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means, on average, Canadians get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud to be Canadian....

Peter Rollo forwards this story:

THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS

A man goes on a holiday to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in- law. Halfway through their trip, the mother-in-law has a fatal heart attack. An undertaker explains that they can ship the body home, but it´ll cost $5000. The alternative is to bury her in the Holy Land for $500.

"We´ll have her shipped home," says the son-in-law.

"Are you sure?" asks the undertaker. "That´s an awfully big expense. And I assure you we do a very nice burial here."

"Look," says the son-in-law, "two thousand years ago they buried a guy here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can´t take that chance."

Jack Peaker reminds us of the story of

LEROY

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

"WOW!" the social worker exclaims, "are they all yours?"

"Yep, they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down, Leroy."

All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I´ll need all your children´s names."

"This one´s my oldest - he is Leroy."

"OK, and who´s next?"

"Well, this one he is Leroy, also."

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the oldest girl, named Leighroy!

"All right," says the caseworker. "I´m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?"

Their momma replies, "Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ´Leroy!´ An´ when it´s time for dinner, I just yell ´Leroy!´ an´ they all comes arunnin´. An´ if I need to stop the kid who´s running into the street, I just yell ´Leroy!´ and all of them stop. It´s the smartest idea I ever had, namin´ them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"I call them by their last names."

THIS WEEK´S WEBSITES

Kate Brookfield suggests this site for a moving lecture:

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

For great examples of art, and a tribute to the art of morphing, see the paintings in this site sent by Marilyn Magid:

http://www.artgallery.lu/digitalart/women_in_art.html

To read the captions under these great wildlife pictures, use the pause button in the middle:

http://www.wildlifeimages.net/featured.html

I have no respect for society, except for those things that make the beer stronger, the roads safer, and keep old men and old women happier in the summer and warmer in the winter. - Brendan Behan, from dust jacket of "Borstal Boy"