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IN THIS ISSUE

• Verda Cook resumes her story of travelling by train
• Dick Monaghan sees problems ahead for young men
• Miriam Ockenden forwards a list of potentially dangerous foods
• Gerrit de Leuuw sends a story about a language problem
• Marco de Muinck´s story is about a custody argument
• Receptionists ask embarrassing questions
• Bruce Galway recommends a site with great music

Verda Cook continues the story of their train trip to Vancouver:

EXPLORING CANADA "THE CANADIAN WAY"

At Winnipeg, the railroad centre for Canada, the train was to be fully serviced. Fresh supplies were placed on board and a change of crew took place. When we returned to our car, we were introduced to our new personal assistant. I was quite certain I had seen this man before but could not recall where. Some time later I remembered having seen a TV travel programme during the summer which highlighted the experience of travel by train. The man featured on that programme looked remarkably similar to our personal assistant. Later when I met him I asked if he had appeared on a TV travel series. His eyes twinkled and he asked, "Did you see me?" Imagine that - a TV Star as our personal assistant!

Back in the lounge, I was engrossed in a crossword puzzle. A man in the later stages of Parkinson´s disease was travelling with three companions, who assisted him in walking. All cars were equipped with handrails in the corridors, but this man required more assistance. He sat down beside me and expressed interest in the puzzle I was doing. I asked if he liked to do crossword puzzles and he told me he was a champion of crosswords. I gave him my crossword and a pencil. In a very short time he handed me the completed puzzle. I was amazed. His companions then decided it was time to move him to the dining car ahead of the crowd. When he left, I looked at the puzzle and realized that I could erase all of the answers and begin again. Oh well, it amused him for a while. Current issues of newspapers had been brought on board at Winnipeg and passengers were engaged in lively conversation over some of the current world issues highlighted in the newspapers.

When travelling by train, a good sense of humor is essential. The corridors in the cars were necessarily narrow. It was not uncommon to come to a bend in the corridor and find oneself face to face with someone coming from the opposite direction. Sometimes it was easy to pass. Sometimes, however, depending on the size of the passenger, it could be a challenge. In one such instance, I flattened my 5´2" 111 pounds against the wall, then held my hand out suggesting a 25-cent fee for passing. The other passenger smiled, waved, and said, "´Til we meet again."

A train does not ride as smoothly as a car. At times the engineer increased speed to make up for lost time. As the speed increased, the cars on the train had a tendency to rock more. There were times when trying to arrive at a seat in the dining car or the lounge, the train lurched and I was certain I would land on the lap of some strange man or perhaps some strange man would land on mine. After staggering to a seat I mentioned my fear to the passengers in the lounge. After the laughter, one clown in the crowd held up a camera and said, "We´re ready."

At breakfast the next day, the crew told us that the train was now three and one-half hours behind schedule, partly due to the delay yesterday.

Our table companions this morning were from Delaware. We soon discovered we had common interests. They were both Master Gardeners. The man (now retired) worked at Longwood Botanical Gardens in Pennsylvania - founded by the Dupont family. We have visited Longwood on several occasions and admired its beauty.

Being diabetic, I have been advised by my Doctor not to fly any great distance. I´ve been encouraged to travel by train so I can walk and prevent blood clots. My daily activity is a one-mile walk (or 10,000 steps). The train on which we traveled going west was 25 cars in length. After breakfast each morning, Stanley and I made it a habit to walk through the train as far as we were allowed.

One morning I asked a crew member if he could tell me how long each car was. I was told each car is 90 feet. Doing the calculations, we found that by walking 15 cars up and back equalled approximately one- half mile. If I did this twice a day, I had walked one mile plus taken my 10,000 steps (I wear a pedometer). I overheard one crew member tell another, "Those people won´t develop blood clots while travelling." That was precisely the purpose of the walk.

After our exercise, we went to the dome. Approaching Edmonton, the train travels through the edge of Elk Island Park, a nature preserve, where we saw a field white with migrating snow geese.

At Edmonton, passengers were allowed to leave the train for exercise and fresh air. As we walked toward the station, we recalled arriving here two years ago at 8:00 a.m. and being warmly welcomed by our son and two-year-old granddaughter. (Since that time, they have moved into the U.S. and we miss them.)

We were now back on the train and heading for Jasper National Park. In the lounge car, people were reading, having a snack, talking, and/ or knitting. I was noticing familiar landmarks and having a bout of nostalgia. During our last visit to Edmonton, we spent a weekend in Jasper National Park.

The lounge car was emptying as we approached Jasper. Those of us who remained were seated at the rear of the car. John noticed a large black bear come up the embankment. When the train passed, the bear curled up between the rails as if going to sleep. We hoped he would move before the freight train coming from the opposite direction arrived. The crew later told us that bears regularly came onto the tracks to eat the insects killed by the train, but always scampered off before another train arrived.

The P.A. System announced there would be a forty-five-minute stop over at Jasper. We decided to explore the town. While we were walking down main street, quite unexpectedly a hail storm erupted, followed by heavy rain. During these storms the sun was shining and above the town a brilliant double rainbow, in full arch, appeared.

The train was again on the move, now four hours behind schedule. Had we been on time, we would have had many more daylight hours to view the mountains before arriving in Vancouver the next day.

To be continued

Dick Monaghan sends his thoughts on

THE LUST BUST

I fear for the future of the American population. It is now possible, I read, for parents to know where the family car is at any given time by tracking it with a GPS (satellite) locating device. It´s only a tiny technological step to spying on events inside the car, and then civilization (teen-age male variety) is doomed.

Let´s follow Ricky, tormented to near-desperation by raging hormones, as he picks up his date, Lucretia, and they pull into a secluded parking spot at the local Lovers´ Lane, or Passion Pit. He leans toward her, his voice choked with emotion. He fires his first salvo, learned from someone he met while playing pool:

"It´s bigger than both of us; let´s not fight it!"

Lucretia gives a little whimper that could either be delight or fear. She manages to give the impression she´s backing away while actually scrunching up closer.

Ricky goes for broke: "If you loved me, you´d let me…"

"Ahhh!…" Lucretia begins. She never gets to finish. A loud warning comes from the dashboard:"AWK! AWK! AWK! - LUST ALERT! BACK AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, AND DRIVE HOME IMMEDIATELY! YOU´RE ON CANDID CAMERA!"

Ricky is a beaten adolescent, a whirling mishmash of frustrated desire and humiliation. He takes Lucretia home, returns the car to the garage, and listens to twenty minutes of parental abuse. His love life is over before it began, and he becomes a hairdresser given to wearing mauve pedal-pushers.

Is this what we want for our young men? Wake up, America!

From http://www.menshealth.com, Miriam Ockenden sends this list of

THE 10 DIRTIEST FOODS THAT CAN MAKE YOU SICK

Open your refrigerator and take a good look inside. Chances are you have some of the dirtiest - and most dangerous - foods in there. Eat them and you could get very sick. Men´s Health magazine has identified the 10 dirtiest foods, from bad burgers and dangerous deli meats to hazardous health foods.

1. Chicken: In one study cited by Men´s Health, more than 40 percent of chicken samples contained bacteria that can sicken, including E. coli.

2. Ground Beef: Simply because of the way ground beef is made through heavy processing, it has the potential to be loaded with deadly E. coli bacteria and more.

3. Ground Turkey: One in four packages of ground turkey tested by Men´s Health contained bacteria. This becomes a greater concern as more people substitute ground turkey for ground beef, thinking it´s a healthier alternative.

4. Oysters: Beware of raw oysters! Many are tainted not only with bacteria, but also the Norovirus.

5. Eggs: The incredible edible egg is also associated with more than 600,000 cases of food poisoning each year and more than 300 deaths. Cook eggs completely and never eat them raw.

6. Cantaloupe: Cantaloupe rinds often contain dangerous bacteria that are hard to wash away. Cut through that rind with a knife and the bacteria can be transferred to the fruit.

7. Peaches: This favorite juicy summer fruit is dangerous because the peach fuzz makes it difficult to clean off all the pesticides.

8. Pre-Packaged Tossed Salads: These bagged salads are one of the greatest conveniences of the past decade, but they can also be one of the biggest sources of food poisoning since the contents are often contaminated with E. Coli.

9. Cold Cuts: It looks like delicious shaved ham or turkey to you, but it could contain the dangerous bacteria Listeria, which is especially risky for infants and the elderly. Listeria can be spread by the deli slicer, and it can even grow in a cold refrigerator. What can you do? Experts advise you to transfer the deli meat to a fresh package when you get home and only buy enough for one week at a time.

10. Scallions: If these green onions are left uncooked, they have the potential to become bacterial breeding grounds. They´ve also been linked to fatal outbreaks of Hepatitis-A.

Gerrit de Leeuw forwards this example of

CANADIAN HUMOUR

An American couple is standing in an airport terminal somewhere in the States, waiting for their luggage. The wife happens to notice an oddly-dressed man also waiting. She asks her husband where he thinks the man is from. The husband says he doesn´t know.

He decides to ask the man and approaches him. "Where are you from?" he asks the man.

"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," he replies.

Puzzled, the husband returns to his wife.

"Well, where is he from?" asks the wife.

"I don´t know," replies the husband. "He doesn´t speak English."

Marco de Muinck sends this story about

DIVORCE, CUSTODY, AND PEPSI COLA

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment, the man rose from his chair and replied: "Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

Don´t laugh - he won!

Here is an example of what that happens all too often in

THE DOCTOR´S OFFICE

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor´s office why you are there, and you say in front of others what´s wrong, and sometimes it´s embarrassing. There´s nothing worse than a doctor´s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor´s waiting room. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"

"There´s something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn´t come into a crowded doctor´s room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You´ve obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn´t ask people things in a room full of others if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There´s something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can´t pee out of it," the man replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

INTERESTING SITE

For those into nostalgia, Bruce Galway suggests http://oldfortyfives.com/DYRT.htm

"We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children." - Native American proverb