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IN THIS ISSUE

• Arthur Pay is working for a town council in Eastbourne
• Irene Harvalias visits Nicaragua
• Burke Dykes tells the story of the blondes in the biker bar
• Carol Hansen explains the operation of ICE
• Bruce Galway sends some interesting facts about Newfoundland
• Gerrit de Leeuw tells the story of the Irish hunters
• Leo Quinn posts some light-hearted quotes
• Marilyn Magid suggests a puzzling site

Arthur Pay has been transferred to Eastbourne:

"WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE WAR, DADDY?"

I reported to the town clerk at Eastbourne for duty with them. This was in December 1943. It may be of interest to note that we were all issued with two sets of battledress, an old one for working and a new one for best. Every time I was transferred from one place to another, I had to return the oldest one and be reissued with a new one so I was always well equipped.

The town clerk at Eastbourne was also the food controller and the ARP controller among other things, like the Lord High Executioner, but I don´t know if he was paid separate salaries. Eastbourne was a dead town for the most part when I first went there. There was even grass growing in the streets.

I was back again on shift work but this time on a 12-hour basis, the shifts being swapped over each month. Eastbourne did not have the same problem of not knowing what to do with personnel: they used them to carry out council work, and I suspect they may have obtained payment from the central authority both for having rescue parties standing by and also for the other work done by the men. I was the only conchie there.

My first job at Eastbourne was to assist in decorating work to one of the council houses at the depot. Mostly, work consisted of delivering and erecting Morrison shelters, which were heavy steel structures about table height that were supposed to make safe places actually inside a house even if it fell on top of them.

I soon got involved in union affairs and was a founder secretary of the N.U.P.E. branch in Eastbourne. There were three other rescue party depots and after getting to work on my own depot, I extended my activities to the others.

Sometimes on night shift there was no work to be done apart from the emergency watch of two hours apiece, and consequently the following day was effectively a holiday. When this happened, I spent a lot of my time reading, and ate lunch at the British restaurant at Eastbourne.

I was billeted with a Mrs. White who lived right by the promenade. Her husband was also at the same depot, but on the opposite shift, so consequently I saw very little of him. Mrs. White had spent the 1914-18 war in Hungary, where her husband was groom to some noble Hungarian family, but was on the wrong side during the war. She was very talkative and we had long conversations regarding her own and her husband´s experiences in Hungary. She was suffering from diabetes and eventually had to go into hospital, leaving me in charge of her house while she was away. She didn´t provide board with the lodging.

The chap in charge of Eastbourne rescue party was a Mr. Harvey, who was most annoyed when he found I had organized a meeting of the rescue workers without telling him. He was even more annoyed when I said I didn´t think he would be interested in joining the union. I was forbidden to visit the other depots while they were on duty, but the members used to come out of the gates when I needed to see them.

I later obtained lodgings with a Mrs. Hoare, whose husband was employed mending the boots of all Eastbourne´s ARP workers at our depot. She provided full board and the house was only a short walk from the Downs and Beachy Head. I was having denture troubles at the time, and used to go up on the downs to read out loud to practise getting my speech round the gaps in my new dentures. Heaven only knows what anyone would have thought about me if they had heard me performing.

I was able to take the bike on the train, and returned home for a long weekend whenever there was a change of shift. I once went to the doctor to get a certificate for a week´s sick leave. Train journeys were free for ARP personnel.

Charlotte also came down to Eastbourne a couple of times, once in the middle of some operations practice. She sailed through all the barriers, guards and checkpoints without even an identity card.

Eastbourne was one of the assembly points for the invasion forces and was gradually filling up with Americans and Canadians and their vehicles. Just before D-day, all the roads were full of every variety of vehicle, but they all vanished overnight, leaving the whole place empty as if by magic, just before the landings.

There were clouds and clouds of aircraft, British by night and American during the day, crossing the coast to the continent; and shortly after there was a contraflow of flying bombs or doodlebugs going in the opposite direction. These were aimed at London, but possibly because they were laden with fuel, they came in very low down and were engaged by aircraft and gunfire as they crossed the coast. Those that came down and hit Eastbourne were probably those that had been disabled.

To be continued.

Irene Harvalias recently returned from a holiday in

NICARAGUA

I´ve known my friend Maeva since she was 13 and I was renting one side of her mother´s duplex. She babysat my kids, then my kids babysat hers - and they called me Auntie ´Rene.

Christine, the oldest daughter, is now married with children of her own, and she and her family moved down to Nicaragua a little over a year ago, where her husband is developing some land. Christine and the kids were here this past summer for their holidays, and they were going back with her mother, and she said to me, "Why don´t you come too, Auntie ´Rene?"

I thought, why don´t I? If I don´t go now, I probably never will ... so I booked my flight, and before I knew it, Maeva, Christine, her two children and their 16 pieces of luggage and my one carry-on (I always like to travel light) were at the airport, and we were ready to go. My being there helped with the suitcases, as I could claim two of them as mine, so nobody had to pay extra.

We flew to Houston with a few hours´ lay-over and then were on the Managua flight. The flight was uneventful, and we arrived practically on time. John, Christine´s husband, was there waiting for us with Felipe, his sort of man-of-all-trades, and two cars into which we fitted three adults, two kids and 17 pieces of luggage.

The weather was very hot and humid, even in the middle of the night (I don´t "do" hot very graciously!) and we drove to their rented house through the city of Managua, which we couldn´t see very well in the dark. Avril, the very sweet Managuan live-in maid, greeted us with hugs for the kids and the grown-ups (not me - I was the "new" person) and we finally went to bed, tired from the long day and flight.

I stayed there for two weeks, most of the time in Managua. It is a large city, which is quite spread out and you can´t just walk around and GO anywhere, unless you have a car. Christine doesn´t drive too far, so we had to depend on Felipe to drive us around when he wasn´t busy doing jobs for John. He always kept up a stream of conversation, all in Spanish, of course, which was a challenge to my first-year- university-level Spanish (completed about 40 years ago). Avril also spoke only Spanish, so that part of the trip was a lot of fun, trying to make myself understood. Amazing, though, how much of it I did understand!

We went to their brand new mall, and a place very much like Costco, which are all new additions to the city, apparently. Christine is a great shopper, so there was always a good excuse to go shopping for something or other. Felipe took Maeva and me to the market, which was in total darkness (they have a lot of power outages in Managua, which is their way of conserving energy) so we didn´t venture into the depths of it, but it was full of touristy things, some of which were quite wonderful. They have a way of weaving pine needles into baskets, trays, and hot mats that is incredible. Not only do these items look great, but also they smell wonderful. I regret not buying more of them, as I never did get back to the market before I left. They would have made great presents.

John was talking one day about things he was planning for his development, and he said that he´d met a fellow by the name of Jo, an American, who was a fishing guide and he thought he might buy a boat and put Jo in charge of taking people out for deep-sea fishing. He said when Jo had taken him fishing, the fish were practically jumping into the boat, they were so plentiful. I sighed wistfully, as I love fishing, and John said, "Would you like to go fishing?" Of course I said yes, so John arranged with Jo to go fishing that Sunday. I was so excited I could hardly contain myself.

We got up really early, and slathered 60 sunblock on us, donned our hats, and went to pick up Jo. We stopped to pick up some sandwiches and drinks for the fishing trip, and while we were driving to Jo´s, John and I discussed how we disliked trolling and preferred just plain, ordinary fishing, and how he would ask Jo to do just that. Well, Jo had other ideas. We drove until we got to Puerto Sandino where the boat was supposed to be waiting for us. The boat was late, and when it got there it was not the one they had ordered, but that was the only boat we could have, so we climbed in. This was a very long, narrow, primitive kind of boat, with an outboard engine, hard slabs of wood to sit on, and no lifejackets of any kind. No cover, either, and the sun was already blazing down on our poor heads.

The sea was full of pelicans and the sky was covered with frigate birds. I love birds, and was really happy to snap pictures while things got ready, and soon we were under way. Jo said, "How about we just troll for a little while to begin with, and then we can come closer in and just fish?" Well, I couldn´t say anything, and John didn´t, so off we went into the middle of this rather rough sea, and he set up his home-made rod holder and set up several rods trolling behind us, and we sat on those hard seats and broiled in the sun.

There were many bites, but the boatman didn´t understand Jo´s instructions of revving the engine as soon as he shouted to him, and instead he would cut the engine, and the fish would disappear. After many hours of watching Jo re-bait the hooks, they did pull in a couple of mackerel. Vicious teeth those critters have!

Jo kept wanting to go a little further out - he was after some kind of big fish or other - and there we sat, broiling in the sun, getting sore bums from sitting on those narrow, hard benches, and I was getting more and more annoyed, not having held a rod in my hand yet! Finally, I suggested that we should go a little further in and get to hold the odd rod or two. John told Jo to head closer to shore.

We went into an estuary that was absolutely magic - greenery right to the edge of the water, and it just kept going further and further inland. I did get to hold a rod for about ten minutes, but the fish weren´t interested so we finally gave up and headed towards John´s property, which was a little further away.

There were several guards there, and they had a very primitive fire, and one of them cooked our mackerel and cut up a bit of tomatoes and onions and some parsley and we ate the fish, which tasted out of this world even though I hadn´t caught it.

The property is very beautiful. There is an endless beach which has very dark, fine sand, which I´m sure has some iron in it. After we ate the fish, we got back on the boat and went back to Puerto Sandino and the car, and drove back to Managua.

All along the road there were little huts where people lived. A lot of them had bricks on the outside, piles of bricks which they manufactured, and many of the roofs were made out of palm leaves. There is a lot of poverty in Nicaragua, but also a lot of wealth. The area where John and Christine live is definitely "upper class". An odd thing is that the houses often don´t have addresses, so you have to say you live in the "yellow house up this street", and "to the left on that street" - and if you don´t know where you´re going, good luck trying to explain it to a taxi driver! There was no way I was venturing out by myself.

To be continued.

Burke Dykes just can´t resist those blonde jokes!

THE BIKER BAR

A blind man walks into an all-girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls silent and in a very deep husky voice the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, mister, I think it´s only fair - given that you are blind - that you should know five things:

"The bartender is a blonde woman with a baseball bat; the bouncer is a blonde woman; I´m a six-foot-tall 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate; the woman next to me is a blonde and a professional wrestler; the lady on your right is a blonde and a professional weight lifter.

"Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second and shakes his head, muttering, "No ... not if I am going to have to explain it five times."

Carol Hansen is the latest reader to send a copy of the following suggestion, which we have had before but which bears repeating:

ICE

It was thought of by an ambulance man/paramedic who found that when they went to the scenes of accidents, there were always mobile phones but they didn´t know which numbers to call, and he thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name to file next of kin under.

Following the disaster in London, East Anglian Ambulance Service have launched a national "In case of Emergency (ICE)" campaign with the support of Falkland´s war hero Simon Weston.

The idea is that you store the word ICE in your mobile phone address book, and against it enter the number of the person you would want to be contacted "In Case of Emergency". For more than one contact name, ICE1, ICE2, ICE3, etc.

In an emergency situation, ambulance and hospital staff will then be able to quickly find out who the next of kin are and be able to contact them. It´s so simple that everyone can do it.

A useful thing to add to your mobile phone address book!

Bruce Galway´s post notes that there is more to Newfoundland than jokes:

NEWFOUNDLAND´S CLAIMS TO FAME

WE WERE ...

The first province to respond to the Titanic distress signal;
The first to vaccinate for smallpox;
The first to host a transatlantic flight;
The first to have wireless communication in the world;
The first place to discover proof of the theory of continental drift.

WE HAVE ...

The oldest street in North America;
The oldest city in North America;
The oldest rock in the world;
The oldest continuous sporting event (Regatta Day rules!);
The largest university in Atlantic Canada;
The most pubs per square foot in Canada (George Street);
The longest-running radio program in North America
Caught the world´s largest invertebrate (giant squid).

WE ARE ...

The funniest people in Canada (ask anybody);
The sexiest people in Canada (MacLean´s magazine survey);
The only Province that has four identifiable flags;
The only Province able to land the space shuttle (Stephenville);
The most giving people in Canada (Stats Canada);
The most sexually-active people in all of Canada (what else are we
gonna do!)

A NEWFOUNDLANDER ...

Built the world´s first artificial ice arena;
Invented the gas mask;
Was once governor of northern Rhodesia;
Was with Abraham Lincoln at Gettysburg.

WE ARE THE ONLY PROVINCE TO HAVE ITS OWN ...

Encyclopaedia;
Dictionary;
Pony;
Dogs;
Cultural publication.

By reading this, you now know more about Newfoundland than ... well, almost everyone! If you are a proud Newfie, you will definitely send this along to others, and if you are not a Newfie, you probably wish you were!

From a clean-up of Gerrit de Leeuw´s inbox:

THE IRISH HUNTERS

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.

The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board - he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even with full power, the little plane couldn´t handle the load and went down. A few moments after climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick,

"Any idea where we are?"

Mick said "I think we´re pretty close to where we crashed last year."

From Leo Quinn, some interesting

QUOTES

"People say that money isn´t the key to happiness but I figure if you have enough money you can have a key made." - Joan Rivers

"Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" - George Carlin

"What I need is to find a woman who loves me for my money but doesn´t understand math." - Mike Birbiglia

"My wife has tons of credit cards. She has so many magnetic strips in her wallet, her purse points north." - Peter Sasso

"I had my identity stolen a few months ago, and my credit actually improved. I´m dating now, have a new car. Life is good." - Steve Morris

"So they´re showing me, on television, the detergents getting out bloodstains. I mean, come on, if you´ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstains all over it, maybe laundry isn´t your biggest problem right now." - Jerry Seinfeld

Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don´t like flowers. I wear a scent called "new car interior." - Rita Rudner

"I haven´t got the slightest idea how to change people, but I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever find it out." - David Sedaris

My father began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community college. On his first night of class, he started a chapter on banking. During the course of his lecture, the subject of ATMs came up, and he mentioned that on average, most machines contain only about $1500 at a given time. Just then a man in the back raised his hand. "I´m not trying to be disrespectful," he told my father, "but the machine I robbed had about $5,000 in it." - Jennifer Johnson

SUGGESTED WEBSITE

Marilyn Magid sends this site for another of Criss Angel´s puzzling illusions:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlIwcVAxZsU

Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment. - Grenville Kleiser