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IN THIS ISSUE

• Jack Peaker forwards some suggestions for avoiding falls
• The editor declares her feminist beliefs
• Barbara Wear shares an essay on how to find lasting happiness
• Gerrit de Leeuw sends questions supposedly asked about the Olympics
• Verda Cook remembers an old April Fool joke
• Catherine Green tells how to know if Martha Stewart is stalking you
• Jean Sterling comments on remarks attributed to Southerners
• Bruce Galway and Jack Peaker recommend websites

Jack Peaker forwards an article that claims that one in three adults over the age of 65 fall each year:

TIPS FOR AVOIDING FALLS

In 2004, the most recent year statistics are available, almost 15,000 people 65 and older died from falls and about 1.9 million were treated for injuries in emergency rooms in the U.S., said Judy Stevens, an epidemiologist with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

"I think the magnitude of the problem is something that people don't recognize," Stevens said. "It really is a serious issue for older adults."

Making sure that people over the age of 65 know how to avoid falling or being injured by a fall is the goal of a campaign launched this month by the National Athletic Trainers' Association and American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons.

The organizations say in addition to exercise, older people can make their homes safer by installing night lights, bathroom grab bars and slip-resistant floors.

Here are some tips from the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons and the National Athletic Trainers' Association to help prevent injuries from falls:

Keep muscles and bones strong, by following an exercise regimen:

-Strength training with weight bearing and resistive exercise works for all age groups.

-Practise exercises designed to help improve balance.

-Exercise at least three days a week to improve strength, flexibility and balance.

-Choose low-impact exercises, such as yoga, tai chi and Pilates to avoid stress on joints.

-Stretch daily to improve flexibility and mobility.

Make your home safer with simple improvements:

-Good lighting, without extension cords, to eliminate dark areas.

-Slip-resistant walking surfaces.

-Grab-bars and a night light in the bathroom.

-Handrails on both sides of stairs extending beyond last step.

-Remove throw rugs from doorways and hallways.

If you have fallen before, follow these recommendations:

-Consider a full physical evaluation and balance screen, including vision and hearing tests.

-Wear shoes with good support, such as lace-up oxford shoes with leather soles and rubber heels.

FEMINISM DESTROYS

I was sent an article with the above heading, which concluded with this paragraph: "However, it does not matter what the feminists think about it; there is an established natural order for healthy, productive family life. Man has a natural headship responsibility to both his family and his community. When men surrender this responsibility, or when women wrestle it away from them, the entire family and social structures collapse. And that is exactly what is currently happening."

I wrote back to the sender, asking him if he really believed it. He replied, asking if I am a feminist. This is my answer:

You're doggoned right I am! When I first started working at the printshop, it was because all the boys in town had enlisted, and no-one else was available. I did a five-year apprenticeship there, starting at $6 a week and ending up at $25 a week. I became a journeyman, and helped keep a business running. Then I worked during my married life because while my husband was an engineer, he started at $325 a month, still owing $1000 for his university fees. We couldn't have managed without my pay - $2 an hour.

When my husband died at the age of 39, leaving nothing but debts because he had tried to go into business for himself, I had to support my two children and my mother. If I hadn't had a trade, we would have been on welfare.

After my kids grew up and my mother was gone, I continued to support myself and to contribute my share of taxes and to support various charities. You think I should have just let the country support me?

My story is a common one, where women have had to work to help pay the bills. While there may be some women who work for the luxuries, there are many more who work because they have to. You know how much rent is out here in Vancouver? Some families can't afford to pay the rent, and are living on the streets.

So yes, I am a feminist!

ED. NOTE: I have reprinted this exchange because I believe feminism has been given a bad name by people who have never known the need for women to work outside the home. Heaven knows they do enough work inside the home, unpaid and unacknowledged, but the women who work outside the home from necessity are also underpaid and undervalued. Detractors forget that not all women are in a position where they are supported by men. There are a growing number of single-parent families which cannot live on the niggardly help provided by governments; there are many older women left by their husbands or widowed who have never been trained for outside work, or whose skills are outdated; there are women who have never married. Who will support them if they cannot support themselves?

What is your opinion?

Barbara Wear forwards this essay by Steve Goodier:

HOW TO BE HAPPY FOR A LIFETIME

Someone said this about happiness:

To be happy for an hour - take a nap.
To be happy for a day - go shopping.
To be happy for a week - take a vacation.
To be happy for a month - get married.
To be happy for a year - inherit a fortune.
To be happy for a lifetime - help others.

You and I may argue with a couple of points on that list, but the author is exactly right about how to be happy for the rest of your life. Lasting contentment can always be found in helping others. It is truly a secret that many people have never discovered.

Marion Preminger stumbled upon it and wrote about where lasting happiness is to be found in her autobiography "All I Want is Everything". Born in Hungary in 1913, Marion was raised in a castle, surrounded by wealth, servants, and the notoriety of an aristocratic upbringing.

At a Viennese ball, she met a handsome young man, the son of an Italian doctor. They rushed into a marriage that lasted only a year.

She returned to Vienna to embark on a career of acting. There she fell in love with the German director, Otto Preminger. They married and she followed him to America, where he began a promising career as a Hollywood movie director. But her new Hollywood lifestyle could not sustain her marriage, and Preminger eventually divorced her.

Marion returned to Europe to live the life of a Parisian socialite until 1948. Then everything changed when she read that Dr. Albert Schweitzer was visiting Europe from his home in Africa. She determined to meet with the notable missionary doctor.

She first encountered Schweitzer doing one of the things he loved to do best while visiting Europe - playing a church organ for his own enjoyment. He invited her to dine with him. After the meal, Marion knew she had finally found what she'd been looking for. She accompanied Schweitzer every day during the remainder of his European visit. He invited Marion to come back to Africa with him and work as an untrained staff member in the Lamberene hospital.

She left her life of status and ease and moved to Africa. Once there, the girl who was raised like a princess became a servant. She changed bandages, bathed bodies, and fed lepers. She gave her life away to the poor and, because of it, found the happiness she'd craved for so long.

It was Albert Schweitzer who asserted, "One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve."

However, wherever and whomever you choose to help is unimportant. There are those in need everywhere. But when you figure out how to sincerely serve other people, you'll have also learned how to be happy for a lifetime.

Gerrit de Leeuw forwards this updated list of questions people are supposed to have asked about

THE VANCOUVER 2010 WINTER OLYMPICS

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you´ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it´s only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it´s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let´s not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM´s (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we´ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys´ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering on Germany, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don´t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It´s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It´s called a moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

ED. NOTE: No, I don't believe these are authentic, because very similar questions supposedly were asked about the Olympics in Australia. The answers are different, of course. It is possible that questions resembling these will be asked, but the Vancouver Olympics are almost three years from now. Lots of time to think up some new questions.

Verda Cook writes: With April 1st approaching, I thought perhaps your readers might be interested in an April Fool joke.

THE SPAGHETTI TREE

On April 1st in 1957, the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. To this question, the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best."

About ten years ago our youngest son sent me a package of seeds from Calgary. It was packaged to appear as if it were from a commercial seed company. When I opened it, the package contained coloured spaghetti pieces with instructions to plant when the soil is warm and harvest before the frost nips the strands. So this joke did not end in 1957.

Catherine Green forwards

THE TOP TEN SIGNS OF BEING STALKED BY MARTHA STEWART

10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.

9. That tell-tale lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.

8. On her show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen-over licorice downspout and the stuck half-open graham cracker garage door.

7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon, rose petal and saffron demi-glaze, with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.

6. The unmistakeable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.

5. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.

4. No matter where you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.

3. Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.

2. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.

and the Number 1 Sign You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart:

1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

Jean Sterling, who lives in Florida, comments on a list of

SOUTHERNISMS

which she says are probably not written by somebody from the south, because most of them are new to her.

"I'm 'bout as ... nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs; busy as a moth in a mitten; happy as a clam at high tide."

o I had heard the part about the cat and also the part about the clam. Can't quite picture why a clam would be happy at high tide - might have something to do with getting caught by a clam digger when the tide is out, I guess. The one about the nervous cat is great! I'm sure a cat would be very nervous in a room with a bunch of rocking chairs, unless the cat was one of those manx cats that have no tail. I know my cat (who likes to lounge around in peculiar places) will occasionally get her tail stepped on, and this makes her VERY unhappy. ?"Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows."

o The last time it snowed here was in 1977. However, it snows more often in other parts of the south, and just a couple of inches can wreak all kinds of havoc. My youngest kid went to Georgia Tech in Atlanta, and his first year there they got a couple of inches of snow. Atlanta basically shut down. He was delighted as there were no classes, and he got to go out and build a snowman - something he didn't get to do when it snowed here in 1977.

o Needless to say, people in places like Atlanta or - even worse - Jacksonville, don't know how to drive in snow. Several years ago our two nephews who live in Rochester (NY) decided to drive down here when snow was forecast for Jacksonville. John told them that perhaps they shouldn't come as snow was in the forecast for northern Florida. Not to worry, they told him - we live in Rochester and we know how to drive in snow. Alas, they found out that people in Jacksonville didn't have a clue about driving in snow. They said they had never seen anything like it. There were people crashing into each other and spinning out on the interstate exit ramps - even sliding down the exit ramps. It took them five hours to get through Jacksonville. ?"If you DO run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel pickup with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for."

o Maybe people in this part of the world don't know how to drive in snow, but visitors here have a way of messing up when it comes to driving on the beach. John was trying to help some guy get out of the sand he was stuck in, and the guy kept gunning the engine and spinning his wheels which only dug him in further. Finally John told him to get out of the car and help him push and let me drive - got it out on the first try! ?"Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive."

o Now this one is out and out inaccurate info. You is singular, and y'all is plural. Referring to one person as y'all is a dead giveaway that "you ain't from around here." ?"Get used to hearing, 'You ain't from around here, are you?' Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either."

o I had a neighbor who was British and a second neighbor who was originally from Georgia and had a thick Georgia drawl. One day they went to the beach together. I told John about it, and he asked if somebody went along to serve as an interpreter. ??"As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle."

o That could be true in some rural areas (but somehow I doubt it). Here the speed limit is 70 mph (about 110 kph) on the interstate and if you drive 70, you'd better be in the slow lane. Everybody will pass you. Even two-lane roads in the less populated areas have a 65 mph limit. Over near Orlando the speed limit on the interstate drops to 65, then to 60, but people still drive 70 or more. Must be the NASCAR influence. ??"Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do."

People here claim it's the tourists who don't use turn signals.

"If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. You must purchase bread and milk. It is just something you're supposed to do.

That sounds like hurricane season, except that people lay in a lot more stuff. A list I got off the county website said to include some comfort foods, and I loaded up on chocolate chip cookies and potato chips along with the tuna fish and other stuff that didn't require power to fix. I actually gained some weight on my "hurricane diet."

INTERESTING WEBSITES

Bruce Galway suggests this site which shows 3,000 years of war in 90 seconds:

http://www.mapsofwar.com/images/EMPIRE17.swf ? ~~~~~

Jack Peaker forwards this site, which he has mentioned before but which is well worth bookmarking:

http://www.tropicalglen.com

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P. J. O'Rourke